Official FEENiX the Dynasty Blog

Hey Everyone,

I want to come to you on a personal note. I’m going to share with you a few details about me I never have before. I’m doing this because maybe someone out there feels the same way about this as I do. Well, as some people know I grew up in a household with four siblings and a single mom. Things were often chaotic and always busy. We only had my mom to depend on and sometimes she was busy working two or three jobs or trying to participate in school activities so we barely saw her. But, I appreciated that because she did what she had to do in order to keep us in good living conditions. But, for a long part of my life I blamed my father for making her have to work so hard because he abandoned his family.

See, my dad was also gifted in music in his younger years. At one point he had a contract with a major record label. But, he was too in love with the “street life”. I always would dream about how it felt to have a real father. I had my uncles and grandfather who stepped up as much as they could, but they weren’t my dad. He would sometimes call and make promises that he never kept. When I found out I had the talent to do music I didn’t want to pursue it because all of my life I tried my best to be nothing like him. My first time going into a real recording studio my dad popped up at our house the night before and to his suprise he found out I was now a rapper. I was acutually recording a song called “From my Heart” along with another song. The first verse of the song was all about how I felt about my dad; like how I would lay awake and cry at night, and how I felt so bad that such a mean man had a part in making me. When he heard the song he came to tears. I kind of felt like maybe this would change him, but it didn’t.

He came back in my life for a brief moment, but this time when he left it was worse than ever. Why? Well, for that brief moment I felt I had a father again, and when he left it made me feel that I wasn’t enough for him. It crushed me. All my life I had lived trying to ignore the parts of me that reminded people of my dad. But, I had finally discovered something we shared that I loved and thought maybe it would make him love me. But, after he left this last time I got on my knees in front of my mirror and cried and prayed. I asked questions like, “What did I do wrong?” and “Is it my fault?”. Something said back to me that it was not my fault, and the loss was his, not mine. I realized that maybe it was in God’s plan to keep him out of my life so I didnt have to witness the things he had done and would probably continue to do. So, I decided to let go of my biological father and appreciate the ones he gave me in his place.

To any child out there who does not have a father in their life, know you are not alone and if you ever need to feel loved come to this site and read this last line: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WORTHY OF LOVE, AND IF YOUR FATHER WAS NOT MAN ENOUGH TO LOVE YOU AND STAY IN THE LIFE OF A SPECIAL HUMAN WHO GOD HAS BLESSED THIS WORLD WITH, ACCEPT MY LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU .

PS. I want to thank my grandfather Earl Daniels Jr. and my two uncles Earl Daniels III and Anthony Daniels for playing the role as fathers to five fatherless children. And a special thanks to my mother Angela Culliver for working so hard her entire life being a mother and father. You all are the reasons I’m working so hard now.